Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize