I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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