You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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