The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Green mimosas i think yes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
