he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I understand Curling. That high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
