I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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