The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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