i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
