i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
