How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
3pm strippers are depressing
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
