Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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