i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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