talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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