Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
