there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
grandma shit on top of the toilet
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize