I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
