I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
