I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
