I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
