what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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