just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
