i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
