My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
