I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
