Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
