he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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