I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
