Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
