Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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