Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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