Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
