Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
