I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
