But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
