I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
