Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
