he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
