haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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