Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
