you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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