Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
