and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
