Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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