i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
