so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
