My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
