I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
