I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
