Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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