party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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