Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
