my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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