Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
