The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
