you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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