I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
