I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
