if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
