Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
