if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Even my vagina gasped.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My life is pants optional.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
