The maid of honor just puked.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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