Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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