last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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