i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
