I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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