My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
